I did a terrible, terrible thing

Spokane Washington

I did a terrible, terrible thing.


I did a terrible, terrible thing. A destructive, poisonous, life-threatening thing. I stopped believing in myself.

I don’t know when it happened. But it happened. I don’t know how long ago it happened. But it happened. And I let it happen. It’s a terrible thing to do, and I did it. To myself.

I was vulnerable at the time. I’m extremely vulnerable still.

It’s damn scary putting yourself out there. It’s damn scary flying by the seat of your pants, with only your intuition as a compass. It’s damn scary to share yourself with the world. It’s damn scary to not know where the hell you are going, but to keep going anyway.

It’s damn scary to realize you let self-doubt and unresolved negativity ALMOST poison everything you’ve worked for.

It’s damn scary to write this right now. It’s damn scary when the words don’t come out the way you would like them to. It’s damn scary when you are a writer who cannot write because everything is buried underneath weeks of self-doubt, second-guessing, pain. It’s damn scary when you realize all of the internal damage you’ve done to yourself. It’s damn scary when you admit it publicly, where anyone could see.

Today, I am giving myself props for being honest. Today, I am choosing to love myself again. Today, I am owning my awesomeness, my inner-light, my honesty, my bravery, my blood, guts and tears. Today, I am celebrating all that I have accomplished.

Today, I am feeling gratitude for every person who has helped me along the way. Today, I am admitting that my own self-doubt is my biggest enemy. Today, I am no longer going to let self-doubt win. Today, I am going to triumph. Today, I am going to take back my power. Today, I am going to stop comparing myself to other artists. Today, I am going to compare myself only to the artist I was yesterday. Today, I am going to recognize that I chose this path. Today, I am going to believe in myself. Today, I’m going to win.

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