Tender Loving Care
I’m a couple of days late on my March month review. Understandably, I have been dealing with my father’s sudden death, extra family bonding time, and playing catch-up at work; and, therefore, have had other priorities. However, this morning, I was able to carve out a little time to recap the last month.
A Life Forever Changed
Clearly, dealing with something as traumatic as the sudden and unexpected death of my father has forever altered me. If you read the eulogy that I wrote (or heard me read it publicly at his service) last week, you’ll know that a close-family bond, appreciation for my father, and great relationship made this easier for me. Or, I don’t know if easier would be the right word. I guess more able to cope. But, it doesn’t take away the pain. I know this is going to take a while to get through.
Although this situation only took up the last week of March, it obviously dominates my assessment of the month. It’s hard for me to recall any of the days leading up to the last 10 days of March.
And, in just one week, I learned things about myself that I never knew (or, perhaps, “rediscovered” things that I knew all along), and also realized the beginning of a transformation in personality and, perhaps, life path. In a nutshell, a new chapter has opened.
March Transformed Me
Well, for one, everything seems so insignificant in the grand scheme of things. I also feel like death doesn’t seem so scary. I absolutely want to live a long full life, but I’m no longer scared to die. I hope this will make me less anxious at doctor appointments. And, I also hope that it enables me to no longer sweat the small things in life.
For the first time in my life, I feel like an adult… or at least more like an adult. And, I feel a little less sympathetic to whining, or people’s insignificant B.S. I think I’ll finally rise above that caring so much about being polite or liked, and I’ll stop walking on eggshells.
I saw a Facebook meme recently that said something along the lines of, “Keep good karma. Take no shit.” Yes, that sounds about right, at this time.
Don’t get me wrong. I still have a sweet and good heart. I just have no patience for whining, or games. And, I certainly feel that the trivial will far less ruffle my feathers.
A Sense of Community
Over the last week, I’ve really felt solace in corresponding with others who have lost their own father. It’s something I can’t really explain. Maybe, it’s that they understand what I’m going through. (I’m sure that’s it). They’ve certainly said things that have brought some level of comfort.
Renewed Spirituality
Previously, when I’ve dealt with the death of someone close to me (my nana, friend Tom, and then friend Tito), my faith has weakened to the point of near atheism. But, this time around has been much, much different. I feel now more than ever that there is something out there. I know that over the past four or five years, I’ve really developed my own spiritual beliefs. I evolved from being agnostic-borderline atheist to deeply spiritual. My experience with my father’s death seems to solidify everything I’ve learned about my beliefs up until this point. Over the last week, people’s comments about an after-life, even in the Christian sense, have brought me comfort.
That may make me sound like a hypocrite, but I’m not. I realize that I have more in common with those who believe in something bigger than themselves than I do with those who believe in absolutely nothing at all. But, I still think that spirituality is a personal experience and hope that everyone finds their own path. (Your book of knowledge is within YOU.)
You learn more about yourself and your beliefs during the toughest times. Although I’ve dealt with traumatic loss and subsequent grieving in the past, nothing has compared to this loss. This is about as deep as it gets. And, in that depth, I understand something that I believe, with all of my soul, is real.
Anyway, I’m getting off on a tangent here. I should dedicate an entire blog post (and, perhaps, blog) to the topic of spirituality. And, I will.
Life Path Direction
Early last month (okay, I just remembered bits and pieces of last month… Phew!), I realized a few things about the legacy I want to leave on the world. #1 – I want to inspire others. #2 – I want to have a spiritual impact. #3 – I want to be an influential voice. #4 – Poetry, photography and, perhaps, coaching or counseling will be a part of that. #5 – I want to help others live the life they deserve. #6 – I want photojournalism to be a big part of it.
Later in the month, a few more surfaced. #7 – I want to help others understand grief. #8 – I want to help others live with no regrets.
Theme for April: Process and Nurture
I’ll be taking time to process what happened to my father and the emotions associated with his death, as well as nurturing myself with loads of TLC. I’ll also be spending lots of time with my mother and brother. (I cherish them now more than ever, and hope they stay in my life for a very long time. I want my mother to live to at least 100, and my brother to outlive me, and us all to grow old together.)
What I Hope to Accomplish in April
Last month, I felt a little bit surer about where I want to take my photography, my writing, and what I want my legacy to be. And, I also updated my LinkedIn profile, just in case the right opportunity comes along. (No, I’m not hell-bent on leaving the company I work for yet. I love the company I work for, what we stand for, and all of that jazz.) I just wanted to make sure that I’m putting myself out there… just in case.
I’ll be taking a bit of a break from working on my business as it exists in its current state – a tiny little bud evolving in a traditional sense. And, instead, focus on myself and making art for the sake of making art, with no judgment. I feel like my photography really developed last month and that I’m becoming a better and more purposeful photographer. So, I’m just going to sit back (left-brain-wise) for the month of April, and let the serendipitous creativity flourish. I’ll be taking a one month break from the business side of my photography.
I think I’m really close to finding my niche in my photography business. Knock on wood!
Gina Mizzoni is a custom lifestyle photographer based in Las Vegas, Nevada. She hopes to build a legacy as a storyteller, a documentarian of life. Gina Mizzoni Photography serves those who want to capture their life in its most natural, yet whimsical form.
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